Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in laxtantrum28's LiveJournal:

Thursday, September 6th, 2007
12:45 am	college-- holy shit Back again after more than a year. It was weird reading through all of those old journal entries. I completely forgot I even had one of these fucking live journals. Anyway, going back and rereading this shit... I was some depressed ass chick. Damn. I can't believe I let the stupid fuck ass of a guy get to me in that way. Well, I am in college now, at Baylor. I never would have imagined myself ending up here. This place actually kind of sucks. I guess I should fill you in of what has happened since March of 2006... that summer was so fucking bad. I got in so much trouble and I was still hurting from that last relationship. I at least got put on medicine, though, so I am not so fucking depressed all the time. Anyway, finally got to senior year and went through that. I dated some guy in November named Michael. He was so fucking stupid... I couldn't hold a damn conversation with him, but at least he had a nice ass, right?? Anyway, that was shot to hell because he was just so fucking stupid. Anyway, got through second semester fine and near the end start dating another guy, CJ. I'm sure anyone who still actually reads this shit will know who he is. He was actually a really good boyfriend. He respected me and shit and I don't regret any of it. Anyway, we lasted about 4 months, the majority of them being perfect. It was the summer love kind of shit that everyone needs to experience at least once. When it was time to leave for college, we ended things which was really sad but for the best. Now we got in a huge fight and don't talk anymore which is really sad because he was such a sweet heart, but we just couldn't handle the bull shit we fed each other anymore. I think the only reason we started fighting is because it was too hard to be so far apart from each other and we didn't know what to do except for fight. So, there goes another friendship lost. Now I am at Baylor, and I've fallen for this guy so hard and so fast. I don't know what it is about him but when I am around him, I just get so fucking tongue tied and nervous and never know the right thing to say. This has never happened to me with another guy so it is really intimidating. It really sucks because I let him know a little bit of how I feel and his response was so unclear that all it did was make things so much more confusing. It sucks so hard because this shit happens to me every time. I will be kind of into guys and when I find one I hard-core crush after, they don't feel the same way back. Depressing, but oh well. What can you do? Last Monday I went with him to an Incubus concert. Incubus is my all time favorite band and Stellar is my favorite favorite favorite song in the world. So, at the concert when the song came, I got this feeling of craziness, or whatever the fuck it is called, and kissed him. We were both so fucking shocked... anyway so I couldn't tell how he felt about it so that was confusing. I finally talked to him about it and his response was so fucking confusing. I don't know what to think. I think I am just going to give up. That isn't at all what I want to do, but I don't want to seem like some depressed, obsessive, stalker freak bitch. My roommate is so kick ass. Her name is Allison and she is probably the sweetest/nicest/funniest girl I've ever met. Then there is Emily, the redhead. She is so fucking funny and I don't know what I would do without her. Caitlin and Brittney live next door; both very kick ass and people I can vent to about anything... whether I am high or sober. Then I met Devin in English and we are so fucking alike, I love it. I miss home so much. I can't wait to go back. Sometimes I just want to leave here and stay in Shreveport forever. Oh well.... maybe I will "learn to love Baylor..." or so some guy says.... Whew. I forgot how good it feels to vent to a journal. GUYS FUCKING SUCK! Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
4:17 pm	It's raining Ugh ok... here's a poem that kind of helped me a little... in case any one reads these things? i think it's called "Resume" Razors pain you Rivers are damp Acids stain you Pills cause cramps Guns aren't lawful Nooses give Gas smells aweful You might as well live Current Mood: worried (Comment on this)
Friday, March 10th, 2006
10:21 pm	ksdjfhskjhsjah ugh he is so damn fucking stupid can he honestly not tell when i am fucking pissed off at him becuase he is so fucking stupid he's got his head stuck so far up his ass and he can't pull it out for me because well that would be ridiculous i even wrote him a fucking book (four whole pages)telling him what exactly! what the hell he needs to do to not piss me off and to make me happy it'a right there fucking in front of him and he still is pissing me off and killing me on the inside what the fuck Current Mood: irritated (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
8:43 pm	yeah it's been forever since i updated this thing it seems. well not too much has happened since then. me and it have been getting in a frillion fights...i got my car back. did we know this already? well monday my parents took $900 out of my bank account to pay for that guy's car. i am so pissed off ugh i have like no money left. today and the past week have kind of just been shitty. i've been so irritable and everyone especially mr. boy has been pissing me off. sometimes i wish my stupid car would die and i would run off the road and just craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash. buuuut that won't happen. anyway i have so much homework that i need to go look at for a while until i realize i can't do it. bye Current Mood: morose (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
6:02 pm	today today was kind of depressing. i failed a trig final. i hate wag's class. i total fucked myself over for college. i shouldn't have switched to magnet... i was #8 out of like 450 at byrd, and my ranking is so bad now. this sucks so bad... blaghk jhdskjf djgh djfgh Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 11th, 2006
5:02 pm	hmm There's a shadow in the sky and it looks like rain. Last night I went to eat with Molly and Nina at Squirrely's... if that's how you spell it. Anyway, we played pool and I am so bad at it but it was so much fun. Nina won the first game, and the second game me and Molly won! Woohoo! We were leaving and the lady (haha not the telephone one...) asked if we wanted more pizza because they were closing and had to get rid of it so we went back to Molly's with 4 pizzas. It was fun. Then we got to her house and after talking to her mom for a while I talked ot the m-word and he was pissed and blah blah blah, but whatever, then he went to bed and stuff so I got back to Molly and Nina. For a while we watched "The Office" and then we were like, let's make our own T.V. broadcast thing. So we set everything up, and our news station channel thing was M.E.N. Lovas...haha. So it started out with me and Nina at our desk with our martini glasses and papers and we tell about how this black guy was arrested. Then I filmed Nina giving "Laquantidaiah" or something like that (a.k.a. Molly) a live interview because she was a victim of that " guy who done killt the president of the B-United States of Amuuriica." Haha and when Nina was trying to say president she kept saying erection so you have me filming and laughing my ass off. Then I do a commercial for Fruit20 and I realized how fucking fat I look so now I am going on a diet...anyway then we do a report on illegal immigrants from Duclav Duclav and I start bashing them, and then I play "Ishmael" and Molly interviews me... it's hilarious. Then we have other little stories and the weather and it was really fun... so yay! Then we went to bed and fell asleep and today they took my home. I started watching T.V. about fat people and it reminded me of my diet and made me really depressed so I went and walked my dog for like almost two hours and I just got back... and now my lazy ass is on the computer... so much for losing weight... well I should go do some homework... yeah right....bye! Current Mood: relaxed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
10:10 pm	AHHH goodnesss...... he irritates the living SHIT OUT OF ME. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Current Mood: LIVID... furious! (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 2nd, 2006
5:18 pm	blah blah blah Ugjskgha rti. That is how this week has been. I got in a wreck on tuesday. I didn't even get hurt. I keep thinking I wish it had killed me. I am about to cut my back off it hurts so freakin bad.....shit i had so much to say but now i can't remember. I had a wag test today... so that about sums that up. My tummy is talking, so I should go eat. Current Mood: quixotic (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
6:13 pm	Yeah So... when it comes down to it, I am a horrible person. I've done some pretty bad stuff this past week. I need my friends :o( Life can seem so unpleasant, and sometimes I want me or someone else to take mine away. Uggh why do I continue to wake up in the mornings? Current Mood: guilty and ready (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
8:05 pm	well When I woke up today I was very disappointed. Current Mood: disappointed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 22nd, 2006
7:50 pm	Salt You were going to be a doctor, lawyer... move to Australia. I was going to go with you but now our plans have changed. I'll never get a pet tiger or go fly fishing or have my $18 million house. Ces poignets blessent. Goodness. Well.. sorry this is vague I don't know what to say about it and it's hard to open up when I am so confused. I feel like the weather. I wish I was a cloud. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
12:44 pm	Grrrrr Hmmm so me and Snom were doing fine last night, and of course he has to ruin it today. Go figure... I've got to take a break from him I can't stand him. I don't want to begin hating him because that would kind of suck, but if I stay with him I know I am going to start hating him. It's already begun. Well so now I said we were going to take a break, so he calls me just to hang up on me?? Hmm that makes a shit load of since... well you can go suck your dick now! Or maybe your friend Savannah can help you. Ughhhh I want to throw up. My head is spinning really fast now. I wonder what it feels like to die. I guess no one knows because once you do, you can't tell anyone. Oh life is so confusing. Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 15th, 2006
3:37 pm	whew K so me and Snom got in a big fight last night... I get really tired of him calling me a smartass all of the time and plus, he's the one that was a smartass to begin with. It's just that all of his back qualities rub off on me.. grrrr. But then again that goes both ways. Anyway so we yelled, said stuff we didn't mean, blah blah blah, and now it's been like 14 frillion hours...it seems like...and the boy still hasn't called... go figure. And I'm too stubborn to call him first, another great quailty of his that has rubbed off on me. Anyway, I'm sure he will later... hopefully I won't be too stubborn to answer. At the same time I want to talk to him though.. what is the matter with me?? Hmmm I don't think that will ever be answered. My tummy is hurting so so so sososo much. Me and Quasy are friends again!! YAY (everyone is happy...)! Well.... I need to go to science-fair. Current Mood: and tummy hurting (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 14th, 2006
1:53 pm	Copying J Baby! ok, i would like all of u to make an anonymous post, anything truthful, a secret, what u think about me, advice ur too scared to give me, a fear, anything. post it anonymously and when ur done, if u have an LJ, do the same thing on ur journal ~Emily (2 Comments |Comment on this)
1:48 pm	New OK so I am new to this thing... but blagh I have a lot of stuff on my mind so I'll let it out... Now, Ninja and I have a nick-name for "it" and it's the M-word....and I'm sure everyone knows who that is... so we're going to change it to umm.... it could be pissyface but that would be obvious, too... Snom. Well we just got report cards and I've never made grades this bad in my life. I thought last year was hard damn Magnet is like 100% harder than Byrd, but at least I am somewhat happier here... and for anyone who is STILL wondering, NO! I did NOT switch to this school because of some guy.... Anyway, back to report cards... so Snom was like freaking out yesterday morning when we got our report cards. I wouldn't show him what I got, because he alllllways has to compare his work to mine because I guess he needs to reassure himself all of the time that he is smarter than me. I mean it's not like I forget it... anyway so I wouldn't show it to him and he's like "That's ridiculous!" and other shit like that. Well, ok, so I am the ridiculous one?? You're the one like crying becauase I won't show you a yellow piece of paper and he's like "it's just your grades..." ok so why do you want to know them so bad? And so the whole day he like randomly would ask me like trying to catch me off guard, which pissed me off even more but whatever.. blagh we're used to him being a dick right?? not to mention cocky, hypocritical, mean, and a bajillion other words that I don't have time to write and you don't have time to read, but think of like every thing bad and that describes him. Whew that felt pretty good. I'm sure I'll have more to say about him after he gets back in town. Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)